All people have peculiar behaviors. Sometimes they are not weird at all to us, yet may appear odd to an outside observer. While many behaviors are just, well, human, sometimes they can be due to anxiety.
Some of the stereotypical traits of anxiety include nervousness, fear of speaking in public, or fear of being in crowds. But many forms of anxiety are not as obvious, such as with people who actually prefer being in a crowd, yet dread a 1-on-1 coffee meetup. No matter their level of recognition, many anxious behaviors may be linked to some experiences of childhood trauma. Research has demonstrated a link between childhood trauma and many symptoms of anxiety, finding that our experiences in childhood often lead to behavior manifestations present well into adulthood.
A fear of being negatively viewed or evaluated manifests in many different ways. Many survivors of childhood trauma fear being put in a situation from which they cannot escape, such as having other people in their homes or safe spaces, and this can lead to a multitude of avoidance behaviors. The “trauma brain” wants to avoid any experience that reminds us of a time when we were unable to escape from discomfort.
These responses manifest in many different areas of a person’s life. These 6 are some of the most common that I see in my personal life and in my practice:
Not answering the phone, or avoiding making calls
6 Anxious Behaviors That May Actually Be Trauma Responses
This one might seem obvious, and in my millennial social circle, it is not even seen as weird. To someone who does not have social anxiety, answering the phone might seem like a simple task, and avoiding it might just look like laziness. However, what separates this from normal laziness or avoidance is the adrenaline and cortisol spike that follows for someone who has a trauma history. While simply ordering takeout or confirming the grocery list with a partner can be a neutral experience, answering an unexpected call inspires fear that the act might lead to a conversation in which we may be put on the spot.
Shutting down or being silent during group events or in social settings
If this seems like obvious social anxiety, sometimes it is. Many forms of social anxiety can be the result of growing up in a chaotic environment, where our nervous system was constantly disrelated, or where we were constantly having to be “on”—ready to take care of someone else, or ready for a verbal altercation. As a result, adult trauma survivors sometimes have experiences of being overstimulated during social settings.
Being nervous or uncomfortable when someone sits too close to you
This is so common that there are memes based around the humor of this shared experience. Many people with social anxiety love having the movie theatre to themselves, or at least with large spaces in between them and the next group. Having an unknown person sitting next to them at the movies instead can actually make an anxious person unable to focus on the film due to being so hyperaware of the close proximity to another person.
Needing to sit in certain places or areas during restaurant visits or social events
Many survivors of trauma report that they prefer to sit with their back to a wall, as opposed to a door or open space. Due to their constant state of hypervigilance, their nervous system keeps them “ready” for any perceived, even if illogical, threat. Sitting where they can observe the room and those within it seems to calm that nervous tension, even if just for the moment.
Overeating or overdrinking
Trauma survivors develop ways of self-soothing, often in the form of either indulging in or avoiding food or substances. In recent decades, the health industry has developed an increased understanding of the link between trauma and anxiety around food or drink. “People who have eating disorders frequently have a history of adverse childhood experiences and trauma” (Jones, 2021).
Constantly apologizing, even for things that aren’t your (or anyone’s) fault
When we are constantly criticized, or consistently made to feel that everything is our fault, we develop a strong sense of shame. This manifests in a constant need to over-apologize, even when you have not done anything wrong. This is often a result of emotional abuse or neglect in childhood.
